“Working From Home”
I first heard the term about 12 years ago when my daughter called me from an auto dealership to ask my opinion about a vehicle she was considering purchasing.
“No work today” I asked
“I’m working from home today” she replied
“Obviously not” I said.
“Not what?” she asked.
“Working OR at home” I smirked.
“Oh I’m just taking a break” said she.
Now if you are AT work, a break amounts to a quick stop in the restroom. Maybe grab a quick cup of coffee or a snack bag of chips before heading back to the office or workstation. If you are “working from home”, a break can be almost anything. Buy a car; workout at the gym; meet friends for lunch or a round of golf; binge on old episodes of Downton Abbey; play video games. Hell, take sky-diving lessons if you wish. Who’s going to know?
A few Thanksgivings ago a family member and I were watching a football game on TV. He was “On Call” and receiving a substantial bonus for “working from home” on a holiday. His phone never rang. He just sat there dozing while I tried to put a dent in the 104 Physics labs I had to have graded before returning to classes on Monday. He even had the chutzpa to mention how unfair it was that he had to work and I was “off”. Same thing during the summer months. Friends sitting on the beach gazing at the ocean with their cell phones in hand in case it might ring and they would have to spend maybe 10 minutes with the caller. They were —you got it—“working from home”. The lesson plans I worked on and the football playbook I was rewriting for school didn’t count. I was “off”.
Did you ever hear the tale of “The Emperor’s New Clothes”?
Let’s be honest here. It doesn’t count as work unless all or at least most of the following conditions are met:
- Set an alarm clock for early the following morning
- Get out of bed even if you were up all night sneezing, coughing, and/or partying
- Shower
- Shave something—your face, your legs, your head
- Find something relatively clean and acceptable to wear to the workplace
- Grab a quick bowl of Cap’n Crunch
- Root around in the fridge to try and find something to take for lunch that day
- Fill the travel mug with something—coffee, tea. hot chocolate, vodka
- Scrape the damn ice off of you car’s windshield
- Fight the traffic through that godawful commute to the workplace ( And that’s assuming you have a car. It’s a whole new kind of hell if you have to wait outside in the blistering heat, pouring rain, or freezing cold for the bus!)
- Find a parking space
- Show up on time
- Smile at your boss
- Make nice with your co-workers
If these aren’t met then don’t call it “work”. How about “Alternately Located” or “Alternatively Situated”. How about “Progressively Venued”?
“Working from Home” ??!! My God the Emperor is naked!!!